A Reflective Response to "Why You Should Move To A New City Where You Don't Know A Single Soul"

Someone I know recently shared an article on Facebook from Elite Daily titled "Why You Should Move To A New City Where You Don't Know A Single Soul." Naturally, when I saw it, I decided to read it to see what it had to say, since that is what I did moving to New York City. While I agree some of what the author says, there is a fair amount that I disagree with that I would like to respond to. Maybe "disagree" is not the right word either, and I would rather just respond by relating it to my personal experience and give a different perspective. After a short introduction, the author lists twelve reasons why you should move to a new city. I will be responding to these reasons.

"You'll make new friends who are refreshingly different from your old friends"
While I have made new friends in the city, the friends that I have made are actually similar in number of ways to my friends in Iowa. Most of the time, we become friends with people because they have similar interests and values as we do. Unless you change your interests and values when you arrive in the new city, chances are your friends in the new city will have more similarities than differences to your friends at home. The author also notes that one benefit is that it is a totally clean slate because the new people you meet have "no prior knowledge or expectations of you." If someone is truly your friend, he or she is not going to judge you or have ridiculous expectations for you because he or she cares about you.

"You'll be introduced to new and exciting ways to have fun"
I agree with this. Each city or town has different opportunities. For example, while going to shows on Broadway used to be dream, now I can plan what show I would like to save money for so I can splurge to get tickets. What I did not agree with is how the author framed this reason. She describes having a social pattern of activities with friends and writes "Sure, these cozy routines can be enjoyable and nostalgic, but are they really stretching and exciting you?" Who says you have to move to a new city to change up your "routine" with friends? Suggest a different restaurant. Play a new game. Discuss topics that have not come up before. You can mix it up without moving if you want to.

"You'll feel an overwhelming sense of freedom"
"You need to leave your hometown to realize how big the world is and how many different ways of life are out there." I am going to be extremely critical of this by saying if you have not realized how big the world is by your twenties, you are living in a bubble. I am sorry. But by your twenties, through your education and experiences, you should realize how much world is out there. On that note, I do agree that if you want to move, a change in place can be a positive one.

"You'll develop the social ease to walk into a party on your own and not even bat an eyelid"
The author claims that when you move to a city because you have to go to things on your own that you eventually get used to it and the social anxiety goes away. This belief indicates that the author is probably not an introvert. When you are an introvert, even when you are around a large group of people that you know can be overwhelming, let alone people you don't know. Many introverts, like me, do not like small talk, and thus can find the social interactions at gatherings to be tedious. When I first came to the city, I attended a handful of social events at NYU to get better acquainted with the university and try to meet people. Yes, I met people, but I did not become friends with any of them with the exception of the people I met at the orientation of my program.

"You'll have the chance to reinvent yourself"
While moving to a place where no one knows you can help in reinventing yourself, you should not feel like that is the only way to reinvent yourself. You can make the changes in your life the author talks about without moving to a new city. In fact, you should feel like you can make those changes no matter where you are because it is a part of you becoming the person you want to be.

"You'll be able to do something crazy with your appearance without having any shocked reactions"
I view this as related to the reason above and thus I hold the same counter argument. Be yourself. Do what you want to do no matter where you are. Do not feel like you have to change your environment to change yourself.

"You'll be empowered to realize you only need to rely on yourself"
While moving somewhere on your own does give you a stronger sense of independence and can be empowering, you need more than just yourself. Yes, you face your fears and take on numerous challenges, but you still need a support system. The fact the author words this reason that way makes me wonder if she has ever even moved to city where she did not know anyone. While I have made enormous strides in gaining personal independence, moving here and my adjustment to living here would not have been possible with out my support system at home. I called my mom or dad with questions quite frequently as I was trying to get settled.  Even now, I would be lost without my support system from people at home as well as people in the city.

"You'll feel your comfort zone widen drastically"
This is one point the author makes that I agree with. Though I feel like previous travel experience helped widen my comfort zone, I cannot deny that moving to the city has as well. New York City is quite the experience. I can already tell that I am beginning to get used to the numerous oddities that are in the city.

"You'll learn to enjoy your own company"
As introvert, I already enjoyed my own company before moving to the city. I feel like to a certain extent that being an introvert made it a little easier for me to adjust to life in the city because I did not need people around me as often. In a way, moving actually helped me realize to what extent I did need others around because at times, when I was alone, I was lonely even though there were thousands of people around me physically. The author is right that "alone" does not necessarily mean "lonely" but moving to a city by yourself can be extremely lonely too.

"You'll realize you have the ability to conquer your fears"
This is completely true. Even the act of moving on your own is scary, but it is possible. For example, I do not like fire at all. However, my apartment has a gas stove and oven. I had to face my fear of fire if I wanted to cook anything that I could not use a microwave for. While I still do not like fire, I am not nearly as scared of my stove and oven as when I first moved in. This is just one example. Yes, I probably could have gotten over my fear of fire at home another way, but there are so many ways that you can conquer fears by being on your own and taking on a new place.

"You'll find absence makes the heart grow fonder"
This is indeed that case. When I went home in October, I found that I cherished my time with my family and friends much more because my time there was so limited. While I can stay in touch with them via phone calls, texts, Skype, Facebook, and Snapchat, there is nothing like getting to spent time with loved ones in person. Being away, in a way, has strengthened a number of my relationships with people at home. I only hope that my loved ones at home feel the same way.

"You'll grow and develop as a person"
Though I have only been living in New York City a few months, I already know that it is having an impact on me. This relates to a fear I had before moving to New York City. I still wanted to be me. I did not want the city to change me. While I recognize that change will be natural from being in school and living here, but I still wanted to be me. Even if I never call New York City home, there will be no denying that living in the city will have shaped me in to the person I become.

It may seem like I am quite critical of the idea of moving to a city where you do not know a single soul, that is not exactly the case. Though I am still trying to decide how I feel about living in the city, I would not trade my experience of moving here. Coming to school here was what I wanted, in part to have an opportunity to experience a city, not necessarily living in a city where I did not know any one, but simply the experience of life in a city.

So, if you want to move to a new city where no one knows you, do it! It is a scary, yet exciting learning experience. The most important thing is to be yourself wherever you are.

Washington Square Park

Homecoming

As the month of October begins, the leaves begin to change, the weather cools, and the hope of Outfly rises. Outfly is a day at my alma mater when classes are cancelled and there are a variety of events for students on campus to serve as a break. Only the college president and student body president know what day it will be. Outfly is a tradition that connects Wartburg students, staff, faculty, alumni everywhere. For the first time in three years, I was not called at 3 in the morning being told to wake someone up for work or that I needed to get ready for work. While I obviously did not have my class here cancelled on Outfly, I still found my own way to celebrate. I sported on my favorite Outfly shirts and spent a beautiful afternoon reading in Washington Square Park. It was neat to celebrate the tradition as an alum for the first time, and show my Wartburg pride.

A few weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to return to Iowa during Fall break. While I had been looking forward to going back since I purchased my ticket shortly after arrived in the city, as my trip approached, I began to wonder if I was going back too soon. I was only just beginning to feel settled in New York when I would be going back. How would I handle returning to New York after returning to Iowa?

Getting to the airport for my flights was a journey itself. My flight was set to leave Newark airport at 6 AM, and of course, one should arrive a couple hours before that. I did not feel comfortable trying to use public transportation at 3 o'clock in the morning, so a began my adventure a few hours earlier. I left my apartment at midnight and walked to Penn Station. At Penn Station, I had to get some assistance to figure out which train would take me to the connection to the terminals for the airport. To my surprise, when I arrived at the airport around 2 AM, it was a ghost town. The check-in desks were vacant. Though, that did not stopped me from checking in, I have pretty much mastered the art of carry-on only travel. Thank you self check-ins. My hopes to the sleep at the air port were dashed when I found out security would not open until 4 AM, so I slumped over my personal bag at table and attempted to sleep. Unfortunately, there was construction at the terminal so sleeping was impossible until I got through security, which finally opened at 4:30 AM. Needless to say when I boarded my flight to Minneapolis, I quickly feel asleep, and woke just as we were landing. I was awake at the airport, however once I boarded my flight to Des Moines, I was out. I do not even remember taking off. I finally landed in Iowa and was greeted by my dad in time to have lunch with him.

Thursday evening, the day I arrived, the group from church my family went on the mission trip to Tanzania, had a get-together. When I was in Iowa just happened to line-up with when our hosts from Tanzania were visiting. We spend time together catching up on each other's lives and hearing about the current mission work going on.

Friday, I drove up to my alma mater for the weekend to visit my friends and professors. I do not think I have even been more excited to drive through cornfields in my life. The open space, the fields being harvested, the beginnings of fall, a refreshing change to the confines of concrete in the city.  I shared with professors what I was up to and how I was doing. I filled my weekend with quality time with friends. I spent a lot of time with a number friends doing everything from watching a movie to carving pumpkins to simply sitting together and talking. I was even able to attend the fall concert of the choir I was in for four years. Because I happened to be visiting the weekend before Homecoming, when one the people from the Alumni Office that I had worked with over the summer saw me, she asked what I was doing there. I told here that I was celebrating my own Homecoming since it worked better for me to visit that weekend, rather than the next. What time back to Wartburg is complete without a large cup of chai from the campus coffee shop for the road back to my house?

Not only was I on break at this time, but so was my brother who just started college this year. Because I knew that I would probably not come back for Thanksgiving, on Monday night, my family went to dinner with my mom's brother's family so I could see them. Though it is not the same as getting together on the holiday, I knew it would have to do.

Though I meant to get some readings for my classes done while I was back for just under a week, that did not end up happening. My week was quite busy, and not so much of a "break," but was worth every minute. I was so grateful to spend time with family and friends. Going back to Iowa and seeing my friends and family was rejuvenating. It reminded me of the support system that I am so lucky to have even though they are a thousand miles away.

After I returned to New York, someone asked how I felt about coming back to New York and if I thought of it as coming "home." I felt conflicted. I loved being back in Iowa and being with family and friends. However, New York is where I needed to be. I would not say that I thought of it as coming home though. Who knows, maybe I will never consider New York to be home, only time will tell.