A Reflective Response to "Why You Should Move To A New City Where You Don't Know A Single Soul"

Someone I know recently shared an article on Facebook from Elite Daily titled "Why You Should Move To A New City Where You Don't Know A Single Soul." Naturally, when I saw it, I decided to read it to see what it had to say, since that is what I did moving to New York City. While I agree some of what the author says, there is a fair amount that I disagree with that I would like to respond to. Maybe "disagree" is not the right word either, and I would rather just respond by relating it to my personal experience and give a different perspective. After a short introduction, the author lists twelve reasons why you should move to a new city. I will be responding to these reasons.

"You'll make new friends who are refreshingly different from your old friends"
While I have made new friends in the city, the friends that I have made are actually similar in number of ways to my friends in Iowa. Most of the time, we become friends with people because they have similar interests and values as we do. Unless you change your interests and values when you arrive in the new city, chances are your friends in the new city will have more similarities than differences to your friends at home. The author also notes that one benefit is that it is a totally clean slate because the new people you meet have "no prior knowledge or expectations of you." If someone is truly your friend, he or she is not going to judge you or have ridiculous expectations for you because he or she cares about you.

"You'll be introduced to new and exciting ways to have fun"
I agree with this. Each city or town has different opportunities. For example, while going to shows on Broadway used to be dream, now I can plan what show I would like to save money for so I can splurge to get tickets. What I did not agree with is how the author framed this reason. She describes having a social pattern of activities with friends and writes "Sure, these cozy routines can be enjoyable and nostalgic, but are they really stretching and exciting you?" Who says you have to move to a new city to change up your "routine" with friends? Suggest a different restaurant. Play a new game. Discuss topics that have not come up before. You can mix it up without moving if you want to.

"You'll feel an overwhelming sense of freedom"
"You need to leave your hometown to realize how big the world is and how many different ways of life are out there." I am going to be extremely critical of this by saying if you have not realized how big the world is by your twenties, you are living in a bubble. I am sorry. But by your twenties, through your education and experiences, you should realize how much world is out there. On that note, I do agree that if you want to move, a change in place can be a positive one.

"You'll develop the social ease to walk into a party on your own and not even bat an eyelid"
The author claims that when you move to a city because you have to go to things on your own that you eventually get used to it and the social anxiety goes away. This belief indicates that the author is probably not an introvert. When you are an introvert, even when you are around a large group of people that you know can be overwhelming, let alone people you don't know. Many introverts, like me, do not like small talk, and thus can find the social interactions at gatherings to be tedious. When I first came to the city, I attended a handful of social events at NYU to get better acquainted with the university and try to meet people. Yes, I met people, but I did not become friends with any of them with the exception of the people I met at the orientation of my program.

"You'll have the chance to reinvent yourself"
While moving to a place where no one knows you can help in reinventing yourself, you should not feel like that is the only way to reinvent yourself. You can make the changes in your life the author talks about without moving to a new city. In fact, you should feel like you can make those changes no matter where you are because it is a part of you becoming the person you want to be.

"You'll be able to do something crazy with your appearance without having any shocked reactions"
I view this as related to the reason above and thus I hold the same counter argument. Be yourself. Do what you want to do no matter where you are. Do not feel like you have to change your environment to change yourself.

"You'll be empowered to realize you only need to rely on yourself"
While moving somewhere on your own does give you a stronger sense of independence and can be empowering, you need more than just yourself. Yes, you face your fears and take on numerous challenges, but you still need a support system. The fact the author words this reason that way makes me wonder if she has ever even moved to city where she did not know anyone. While I have made enormous strides in gaining personal independence, moving here and my adjustment to living here would not have been possible with out my support system at home. I called my mom or dad with questions quite frequently as I was trying to get settled.  Even now, I would be lost without my support system from people at home as well as people in the city.

"You'll feel your comfort zone widen drastically"
This is one point the author makes that I agree with. Though I feel like previous travel experience helped widen my comfort zone, I cannot deny that moving to the city has as well. New York City is quite the experience. I can already tell that I am beginning to get used to the numerous oddities that are in the city.

"You'll learn to enjoy your own company"
As introvert, I already enjoyed my own company before moving to the city. I feel like to a certain extent that being an introvert made it a little easier for me to adjust to life in the city because I did not need people around me as often. In a way, moving actually helped me realize to what extent I did need others around because at times, when I was alone, I was lonely even though there were thousands of people around me physically. The author is right that "alone" does not necessarily mean "lonely" but moving to a city by yourself can be extremely lonely too.

"You'll realize you have the ability to conquer your fears"
This is completely true. Even the act of moving on your own is scary, but it is possible. For example, I do not like fire at all. However, my apartment has a gas stove and oven. I had to face my fear of fire if I wanted to cook anything that I could not use a microwave for. While I still do not like fire, I am not nearly as scared of my stove and oven as when I first moved in. This is just one example. Yes, I probably could have gotten over my fear of fire at home another way, but there are so many ways that you can conquer fears by being on your own and taking on a new place.

"You'll find absence makes the heart grow fonder"
This is indeed that case. When I went home in October, I found that I cherished my time with my family and friends much more because my time there was so limited. While I can stay in touch with them via phone calls, texts, Skype, Facebook, and Snapchat, there is nothing like getting to spent time with loved ones in person. Being away, in a way, has strengthened a number of my relationships with people at home. I only hope that my loved ones at home feel the same way.

"You'll grow and develop as a person"
Though I have only been living in New York City a few months, I already know that it is having an impact on me. This relates to a fear I had before moving to New York City. I still wanted to be me. I did not want the city to change me. While I recognize that change will be natural from being in school and living here, but I still wanted to be me. Even if I never call New York City home, there will be no denying that living in the city will have shaped me in to the person I become.

It may seem like I am quite critical of the idea of moving to a city where you do not know a single soul, that is not exactly the case. Though I am still trying to decide how I feel about living in the city, I would not trade my experience of moving here. Coming to school here was what I wanted, in part to have an opportunity to experience a city, not necessarily living in a city where I did not know any one, but simply the experience of life in a city.

So, if you want to move to a new city where no one knows you, do it! It is a scary, yet exciting learning experience. The most important thing is to be yourself wherever you are.

Washington Square Park